Common Phrases

It’s quite amazing how one character in a movie can say something that all of a sudden becomes one of the most popular phrases in The United States. Just think how long people quoted Napoleon Dynamite after that movie was first released. I can’t even count how many times I heard people say, “Eat your food, Tina,” “Goooosh,” or “Vote for Pedro.” Or if you’re not a Napoleon fan, then maybe you like “Bond…James Bond,” “Hasta La Vista, baby,” or “My momma always said, life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re gonna get.”

While the Rahm and Lucia households in Honduras don’t have quite the same influence as Hollywood actors, there is one phrase that has been quite common this last week. It’s not funny, though it may appear so. It’s not dramatic to others, though it is extremely dramatic to the person saying it. And the action that follows it is not pleasant, nor would anyone ever care to make a movie out of it. However, given the current state of our lives here in Honduras, we are shouting it out right and left. Usually it comes in the middle of an important conversation, in the middle of a grammar lecture in class, or at 1 AM as almost everyone is sound asleep.

“I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM BEFORE I POOP MY PANTS!”

I assume that this phenomenon is quite regular when Americans with little exposure to third world food, water, etc. choose to move to a Third World Country. In Honduras, for the most part, we are very privileged to have extremely clean drinking water and great food preparation methods, but every once in a while, someone forgets to use the filtered water for a pot of coffee or to wash the vegetables. The result is what you may expect – the Gringos (White People) spend 25% of the next few days sitting on the toilet. A good friend of mine (Gringo, of course) down here said it correctly when he wrote me an email. He said, “last week, for the first time in my life, I realized that it was possible to urinate out of my rear-end. I was driving down the road and had to stop to wash my pants after having butt explosions.”

So, there you have it. These last few days have been quite the experience. Ira started off with a bang on Friday, spending at least 30% of the day on the toilet. Then Sarah and Olivia followed (although their bodies haven’t quite adjusted since day one). And today, Hailey, Micah, and I are the lucky ones. Oh, the joys of third-world living!

I would write more, but “I need to go to the bathroom before I poop my pants.”