"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate - I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:14-26
So, what I want to do is: spend quality time with my Lord daily, be in tune with the Spirit and not only see the opportunities to help and serve others but ACT on those opportunities.
But, sadly, those are the things that I DON'T do, at least as much as I want to.
Actually, I have the perfect example of a situation that just happened recently where I knew what I should do and it truly was what I wanted to do, but even as I felt the battle raging inside of me between my sinful nature and the spirit, I sadly did what I hate to do.
There I was, on my way to the grocery store to pick up some last minute groceries with Micah before we left for our Homegroup Retreat. Joseph was home with our friend John, just waiting for me, so I was on a "mission, so to speak. About 1/2 mile before my final destination I saw a woman standing by a bus stop and it looked like she was crying. Praise the Lord, I immediately felt the spirit move in me and I felt compassion and literally said "awe...poor girl." And I thought, I am going to go talk with her. At the very least I can ask her if she is ok and give her a hug. So I turn the car around.... but then the battle began. Here was the internal dialog and battle that went on...
"Oh man...there isn't really a good place to park and walk over to her...that's ok though...but it is starting to rain and it's cold and I have Micah with me....He'll be fine. I will bundle him up and he might even like to get some fresh air....I will just turn around one more time to see if she is still crying...maybe she wasn't crying..."
So I turned around and passed her again...
"ok...so maybe she wasn't crying, maybe I was just seeing things....but what if she was crying and she is just holding it in....ok, let's do this....well, maybe I should just get the grocerys right now because Joseph and John are waiting for me.....yeah, I will just run in and get the grocerys and then I'll stop to talk with her.."
Yeah...so I totally did MY thing first and focused on MY mission to get the stupid groceries. And then of course, when I got in the car to head back home and passed the bus stop she was gone. OF COURSE SHE WAS!!
"ahh....hailey...why didn't you choose GOD's mission...how in the world did you think that groceries and getting back to Joseph and John was more important than comforting a woman who could have been dealing with something really hard. She was alone, in the rain. A hug and just the fact that someone saw her and cared; that could have changed her life....or even just that day for her."
It's so frustrating. I hope God gives me more opportunities like that. But the fact is, that was an opportunity for me to help that particular woman and most likely I am not going to get another opportunity to touch her life and show her Jesus' love.
The big struggle for me as Honduras comes closer is to not let the cares of this world encroach on what really matters, which is my relationship with the Lord and walking in The Spirit. I am tempted to put my "Honduras to do list" before my relationship with the Lord. I am tempted to put laundry, dishes, e-mail, selling and simplifying, what I eat and drink, etc...before seeking the Lord and building my Faith and being aware of His plan for my day, not my own.
Maybe you relate...maybe you don't...but this is a daily struggle for me and I am sure it always will be. But I hope and pray that this struggle becomes less of a struggle and that I choose God's Mission over my own more times than not. I pray that I making spending time with the Lord a priority so that I can have the wisdom and strength to resist the devil and his plot to keep me from pleasing the Lord and doing what is right and what is eternal.
What Paul says at the end of Romans 7 is a great encouragement to me:
"Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:26
This is SO true in my own life. A very encouraging post, Hailey! Thank you!
ReplyDeletelove, Summer